


Four Dinners

by Ava_now



Series: Barollins AU [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Cooking, Eating, F/M, First Dates, First Times, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Getting to Know Each Other, Making Out, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, dating is weird, impressing your date, rafael likes kids more than he thinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24279985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_now/pseuds/Ava_now
Summary: Barba and Rollins agree to try dating.  These are their first four dinners together.Continues after "Saturday Night in the City (with Jesse)", but that's not necessary to read before this to understand.  Just know the two have decided to date, this is post season 19, and the question on everyone's mind is...who slept with Sonny Carisi?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Amanda Rollins
Series: Barollins AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1760629
Comments: 11
Kudos: 25





	1. Elegance

**Author's Note:**

> Most of these are also in the summary, but just know that this work picks up where my fic "Saturday Nights in the City (with Jesse)" left off. There's also one more before that called "A Little Redemption" that kind of explains Rafael coming back into their lives.
> 
> This takes place post-UC, and in this AU, Barba is a college professor. I just like the sweater. Plus the idea of him slowing the fuck down and maybe even learning to smell a rose.
> 
> Thank you for reading my stories! Kudos and comments are ALWAYS so wonderful, and just like Christmas morning! Your fanfic authors adore them!

The first time Rafael and Amanda tried to meet for dinner, he was determined everything would be perfect.

He was fairly certain, having seen some of the men that Rollins had dated in the past, she wasn’t used to being treated to the best. There had been Nate, her on and off sponsor-turned-lover who was two-timing her with a woman Rafael had put away for murder; Amaro, the hot-headed Cuban detective who was married and treated her like an afterthought; Declan Murphy, Jesse’s father, who hadn’t made it home for the baby’s birth. Then there was Billie’s father, Dr. Al. Amanda hadn’t told him much about the good doctor, other than she had caught him soliciting prostitutes. And he had thought HE had trust issues. There was also Sonny Carisi. Or rather, his speculation of whether she and Sonny Carisi had ever been together. That was the one he was most curious about, not because of the flirtatious dancing about Carisi and Rollins had done for years, but because he himself had once been with Carisi. Short-lived but with pleasant memories once they both got past the initial breakup, and wouldn’t it be something if he and Amanda shared that lover in common? He sometimes found himself wondering what Sonny was like in bed with a woman--more specifically, with this woman--and tried to imagine bringing up that conversation to find out. He had a hard time imagining that he could ever be close enough to someone to share secrets like that, other than Liv. Olivia was his best friend, and they had spoken about almost everything. But even he couldn’t imagine sharing that conversation with Liv. Besides, he’d rather be abstinent for life than sleep with one of her former lovers. They may share similar tastes in many things, but men was where they dramatically differed.

Well, he may not be the most attractive or most hip guy Rollins had been out with, but he certainly could treat her well, and he was determined to do so. It took him three weeks and six phone calls (not to mention numerous favors) to get reservations at the Michelin three-star restaurant, and an extra hundred secured the private table in the corner with a single rose in the vase. He’d been sitting there now for twenty-three minutes alone, nervously fiddling with his watch again and trying to look as though he didn’t care at all that he was probably being stood up.

“All right here?” The server smiled down at him. “Can I get you anything else while you wait, Mr. Barba?”

He was getting ready to answer that a growler of scotch would be helpful when he saw Rollins behind across the restaurant, rushing over to the table. “Sorry I’m late,” she said, out of breath and quickly removing her coat. The server moved out of the way as Amanda sank into the seat across from Rafael. She let out a deep breath. “Hi. Hello.”

He smiled out of relief as much as anything as he turned to the server. “We’d like that wine now,” he told her confidently, and she nodded and left to get the bottle.

He tried to dismiss the gut feeling that she didn’t realize how special this was or how hard he’d worked to impress her. Reaching across the table, he took her hand gently and squeezed it. “How are you? I’m sorry if this time wasn’t a good one.” The truth was, it hadn’t been so long since he’d been working for the DA’s office that he didn’t remember running late for everything, too.

“Oh, no!” She shook her head. “It was work--we had to pick up a guy right at the end of my shift. I helped to get him in so Kat and Fin could book him. Normally I’d stay for the fingerprinting and all, but you’d gone to so much trouble, I knew I needed to get here as soon as I could.” She tugged on her dress. “I even took this to work so I could get ready there. Nothing like prepping in a police station bathroom!” She sighed and shook her head again. “I was so worried I wasn’t going to make it. I owe Fin big--he stayed for me so I could be here.” Finally meeting his eyes, she squeezed his hand back. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

Smirking, Rafael asked, “Did Fin know you were having dinner with me?”

As the server poured their wine, Amanda chuckled. “Not exactly. He knows I was having dinner here, but I didn’t tell him who I was having it with. I thought it might be best to keep that information private, at least for awhile.”

“Agreed. Besides, it’s always more exciting when nobody knows.” He raised his glass to tap hers, and she winked at him.

He watched her take a sip and seem to relax, starting to take in the environment before perusing the menu. “So, have you been here before? It’s absolutely lovely.”

He shook his head. “No, I haven’t had the opportunity yet, so I guess we’ll both see if it’s worth the hype. You know, they recently became a Michelin three-star restaurant. I thought you might enjoy something different from typical cop fare.”

“That was a good bet,” she commented, looking over the menu. “Everything looks so good...or what I can identify looks good, anyway.” 

He suddenly felt awkward, worried he’d made her feel uncomfortable choosing a restaurant where she wasn’t familiar with all of the dishes. Leaning forward, he said quietly, “Let me know if you need me to explain anything. I think there’s good descriptions, but I know some of this stuff is a little...uh, hoity-toity.”

Her face relaxed and she laughed then. “Thanks for the offer. I may take you up on it if I decide to veer into the unknown. I’m a few seasons behind in my Top Chef viewing. But this one...this Tomahawk Wagyu Ribeye, I think I recognize enough of that.” She was quiet for another minute, then put the menu down. “Rafael, I want to be able to pay for my meal, but there aren’t any prices on the menu. Do you have any idea what the range is?”

Rafael shook his head. “It’s my treat, Amanda. Please don’t worry about it. I chose this restaurant because I wanted to treat you to something special. It’s our first formal date--”

“I just don’t want you to get stuck with a huge bill,” she replied, looking worried.

“I’ve got it taken care of. Please. How about you let me do this, and you pick the place next time? You can even pay next time if you want. But let this be something I do for you.” Seeing her reluctance, he continued. “I have the feeling that you don’t have a lot of nice things done for you very often. Will you let me do this for you? Something nice? Just to celebrate our first date.”

He saw her expression soften, and finally she nodded. “Okay, but only if I get to plan and pay for next time. And also that you understand I don’t put out on the first date, no matter what the price is on the menu.”

Rafael felt his stomach knot. He’d made a fool of himself in front of her, trying to impress her, he thought. But then she winked at him and grinned, and he felt himself relax. “Well, neither do I,” he countered, “so make sure you mind your manners. I always wait until my date has paid for at least one of our meals before I give it up.” At her laughter, he raised his glass to hers. “By the way, I’ve read reviews about that ribeye...it’s supposed to be incredible. You should try it.”

She smiled, and once again he was struck by how very pretty she was. “I think I will.”


	2. Late-Night Casual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burgers are on the late-night menu as Rollins and Barba discuss life outside of the job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Short chapter here. I think Rollins mentions at some point that Barba may have figured something out about Jesse, and she's referring to when he babysat her in "Saturday Nights in the City (with Jesse)".
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy!

The second time they tried to meet for dinner, they went to a casual burger joint at midnight.

“I appreciate your flexibility with this,” she told him, dipping her fries in ketchup. “This week has been crazy. It just made sense to meet you right after work since the girls are in bed already, and have the sitter stay a little longer.” Chuckling, seemingly more to herself than to him, she said, “I know I planned this place, but this wasn’t what I had in mind for you. I don’t want you to think that you took me out for that wagyu steak and I returned it with Burger King.”

He laughed. “Hey, time and place for everything. Besides, I agree with you...this made sense, considering your schedule right now. I’m just glad we could get together. Your hours have been crazy. Something I don’t necessarily miss,” he added before taking another bite of his burger.

She stopped eating and looked at him, her mouth in a half-smile. “So how’s school, Rafael? We hardly ever talk about your job.”

He smiled. “There’s not much to say. I enjoy it. It’s very, very different from what I’ve done for my entire career. I guess I didn’t realize it at the time, but I needed to slow down. I was too caught up in the race. I had been so caught up in that job, there was no room for anything else in my life, you know? Everything revolved around work. And I just lost myself in that.”

She was nodding, looking at him thoughtfully, and he was struck once again by how pretty she was. Different than Liv, he found himself thinking. In his opinion, Liv was stunningly beautiful and always would be, no matter if his feelings were romantic or platonic. And over the years he had known her, he’d certainly felt both toward the woman. But Amanda was different. There was something delicate and sweet about her features. Pretty. 

“--You know what I mean?” she was saying, and he nodded, even though he hadn’t heard a word.

“Absolutely,” he replied and watched as she smiled and took another bite of her burger. “So how are your girls?”

She automatically laughed, and he got the immediate feeling that they brought her a lot of joy. “They’re good, usually. Jesse’s in pre-k this year and loves it. She’s convinced she’s always the smartest in the room. You may have picked up on that--”

He winked. “Maybe.”

“And Billie’s sleeping through the night now. She’s just a happy baby. And it’s so much nicer the second time around, when I actually am not flipping out over every little thing she does.” She wiped her hands on a napkin. “I know kids aren’t your thing, Barba, and I used to think they weren’t mine...but damn if I don’t love my girls more than life.”

Her face was slightly flushed, and something in her expression warmed him. “I think that’s supposed to happen. I wouldn’t know, but…”

“Yeah,” she interrupted. “You’re right, it is. Yeah.” She wiped her hands on her napkin before continuing. “That stuff you said you never had time for because of the job? It’s worth it. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant with Jesse I don’t know that I would have realized it.” She paused for a second, taking a sip of water, then said, “While I’ll never be happy that you’re gone from the DA’s office, I’m happy for you that you have this opportunity to build your life. Don’t take this badly, but it sounds like you have a lot of room to grow.”

“I probably do,” he acknowledged. “I’m trying.”

She grinned at him. “And I’m happy to help.”


	3. Family-Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael plans to take Amanda to his favorite Cuban restaurant, until he gets a call that Billie is sick. Determined to enjoy the date anyway, he packs it up and heads to her house, getting a little more family time than he might have expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: itty bit of minor smut ahead.
> 
> Thank you for reading! If you can leave kudos or comments, they are always welcome and so appreciated! I hope you're enjoying this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Just a heads-up for the next chapter, which is entitled "Intimate Dinner for Two". This fic will be rated E for this chapter. So take that information and do with it what you will.
> 
> Happy reading!

  
  


Their next date wasn’t really a date. 

They agreed he would plan it, and he had planned to take her to his favorite Cuban place in the city. It was a small hole in the wall that he’d been eating at since he was a young adult, a place he had shared with his mami and abuelita many times and had become a family favorite. He thought Amanda would appreciate it. He’d found himself wanting to share more personal parts of his story with her. He wanted her to understand him more, the same way he wanted to know more about what it was like for her, growing up in Georgia and having a sister. They’d already discussed their parents a bit, enough to know their dads had some less attractive traits in common. She’d been accepting and curious and sweet toward him, even stroking his cheek when he talked about his papi. He could strangely relate when she told her story--he wanted to break her father’s neck after hearing what little she shared. He wanted to learn more. He wanted to know and understand her in a way that didn’t interest him with most people, certainly not anyone lately.

He was looking forward to their date that night until he got her call mid-afternoon, right after his last class. “I’m sorry, Rafael. She’s running a fever and I just don’t feel comfortable leaving her with the sitter. Can we try another night?” He could hear Billie in the background, soft cries punctuated with occasional coughs. Poor kid.

“We could,” he responded, checking the time, “or I could pick up an order and bring it over for us to your place. Jesse likes chicken, right? Do we need anything for Billie?”

Amanda was quiet for a second. “You’re willing to do that? You don’t mind the kids?”

“Amanda, if we’re going to date each other, eventually I’m going to need to get along with your kids. Besides, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Jesse really likes me.” He grinned to himself as he heard her chuckle lightly over the line.

“Okay, okay. Jesse loves chicken and Billie is set with her baby food. What time is good for you? Obviously I’m here and not going anywhere else today.”

Looking around his office and taking a quick inventory of what he had left to do, he said, “Earlier is better, right? Would six be okay?”

“That would be great,” she answered. “And thanks.”

“You’re welcome. See you then.” He hung up the phone and sat down at his desk, thumbing through the papers his students had turned in today. He’d spend another hour here, then go pick up the food and head over to Amanda’s. This might be a good time to talk to Amanda about taking Jesse to see a Broadway musical. He’d taken Noah a couple years prior, when the boy was about Jesse’s age now, and they’d had a great time. Instinctively, he knew that Jesse would love it. And it would probably make Amanda happy that he cared enough about Jesse to take her--

He suddenly realized he was smiling, thinking about them, and laughed out loud. It had been a long time since he’d really enjoyed another person’s company this much. Amanda was sweet and funnier than he’d imagined, and had a sarcastic streak nearly as wide as his. He found himself wanting to be around her more and more, and thinking about the girls…

He’d never dated anyone with kids before. He had fantasized about it with Olivia, and he would have done anything for her or Noah. He still would, in fact; he loved both mother and son tremendously. But this was different. There was an excitement here, the thrill of getting to know someone in a new way. Working together for years had given them a familiarity and comfort from the beginning that he hadn’t had in other relationships, yet a newness in getting to know each other in a completely different way. And unlike so many of his other “relationships” that ended up being short term, they were taking it slow with sex. They hadn’t slept together yet. They hadn’t put themselves in a situation that would allow it, and he was okay with that. When he kissed her goodnight at the end of each date, her kisses were warm and sweet, her tongue danced gently with his, and her hands often ran up and down over his back lazily. He enjoyed the taste of her and of wanting her. After their last date, he’d gone home to bed and fantasized about her staying the night. Envisioning her mouth all over him, licking and sucking his skin, he’d climaxed quickly. He was positive the real thing would be better once they got there. She was sexier than he’d ever given her credit for when they worked together, and now he wondered how he had ever avoided thinking about it during those years.

When he arrived, though, arms full of containers of food, he immediately thought he’d entered a circus. Amanda was bouncing Billie desperately on her hip as the baby screamed, tears rolling down her red, puffy face, and the television was blaring some cartoon where a pig was singing to a chicken. Jesse immediately tugged on his arm. “I’m hungwy, Untle Wafi. Didja bwing my chicken?”

Amanda looked exhausted and nearly as desperate as Billie sounded. “Could you hold her for a minute so I can at least go pee?” she asked, nearly shoving the baby into his arms as soon as he set his packages down. She made a mad dash down the hallway to the bathroom. Billie let out a scream right into his ear, and he winced.

“Jesse,” he said, louder than normal just to be heard, “why don’t you turn the TV down and finish watching your show while I rock your sister? We’ll get your chicken in just a minute, okay?”

“Otay, Untle Wafi! Sounds good to me!” The little girl skipped over to the couch and grabbed the remote, turning the volume down, and he said a silent prayer of thanks that Jesse was so agreeable at the moment. 

He took a seat in the rocker and began to rock, snuggling the baby close the way he’d seen her mother do. “You’re okay,” he told her, trying to stay calm himself. “It’s okay, Billie. You’re all right.” Slowly, Billie’s screaming lessened, and he smiled at her. “There now. See? You’re okay, right?”

He continued to rock the baby as Amanda entered the kitchen. She dug through the food and got Jesse a plate, then settled her at the kitchen table. “Here baby,” she said, “this looks delicious. Tell Uncle Rafi thank you, honey.”

‘’Fank you,” he heard from the kitchen table, then Amanda sank onto the couch next to him. “You’re a miracle worker, you know that? She’s been fussing ever since I hung up with you two hours ago.”

Two hours. He couldn’t imagine. And then he had the inevitable thought, what am I doing here?

He’d never wanted kids. From the time he was nine years old and his father screamed at him, “Little shit. Ruined my life, you did!”, Rafael had sworn he would never have a child. It was too risky that he could be like his old man. Not being physically abusive, he had thought, but believing a kid could ruin his life. No kid deserved to hear that, much less believe it. But as he’d gotten older, seen his friends settle down and have families and even create families out of oddly shaped puzzle pieces, he’d become more comfortable with the idea. He had even talked about adopting once, with Liv. They were tipsy off of cabernet, and she had just put Noah to bed, and he had wondered aloud what it must be like to love and care so fully for someone. Could he do it? Liv had squeezed his hand and told him of course he could, if she could then he certainly could. But then morning came and he’d sobered up and went back to work, and he left that conversation somewhere safe for now...locked in his memory.

Amanda was watching him rock her baby daughter, and even he could see the sweetness, the gratitude in her eyes. “Well, we all have rough days, I guess,” he said, then looked down at the baby in his arms. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing rhythmically now. He looked back at Amanda. “You’re incredible, Amanda. Look at you, doing all this by yourself. You’re responsible for three people and you manage to do it relatively seamlessly every day. I don’t know how. I’m one person and fall behind on stuff all the time.”

She shook her head. “Sometimes I feel like my head is barely above water.” He could see the tears in her eyes, and her voice was low when she added, “Like anyone could do a better job than me.”

He carefully laid Billie in her pack ‘n play, then sat next to Amanda on the couch and wrapped an arm around her, giving her a gentle hug. “Hey, you’re selling yourself short. Very short. You’ve been here all day alone, caring for two people who can’t care for themselves, one of whom can’t even speak but feels terrible, and you’ve done everything you can to make her feel better. Your kids are well-cared for. They’re clean and generally happy and very safe. And you love them, Amanda. You’re sitting here, exhausted and hungry, and your baby is sleeping and your daughter is eating. You’re a  _ good mom. _ ”

He felt her slightly shaking against him as she cried, and he continued to hold her through the tears, occasionally kissing her forehead, until she finally quieted. At last she murmured, “Miracle worker. Like daughter, like mother, huh? You’ve got the touch, Barba.”

He chuckled and kissed her forehead again. “How about you let me take care of you now, for a bit? Why don’t you go shower while I get our dinner together and then we’ll eat, okay?”

And he took care of the rest of the evening, preparing and serving dinner, then cleaning up and helping Jesse pick up and get ready for bed. After he got Jesse settled down and Amanda had moved Billie back to her crib, they both met on the couch again.

“I owe you,” she told him, leaning over for a kiss. “But that’s nothing new.”

“Nah, you owe me nothing,” he said. “You’re incredible. Even superheroes need backup some days, right?”

“So, what?” she asked teasingly. “I’m Batman and you’re my Robin?”

“Hmm.” He moved her hair aside and kissed her ear. “Something like that.”

She chuckled. “This could get interesting. Do you have one of those spandex costumes you wear?”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “No. I wouldn’t want to traumatize you that way. Do YOU?”

“Maybe. But they have to adjust the chestplate so it’ll fit correctly.”

He snorted. “I’m guessing that’s not all they’d have to adjust.”

She was giggling and he was grinning when he pressed his mouth to hers, and a moment later she was straddling his lap, hands cupping his face. He could feel her body heat through her tee shirt and gentle stroking as her nipples grazed against his chest. His hands came to rest on her hips and he massaged the skin there, up and down, for several minutes as they continued kissing.

She felt soft, supple, under his hands and he suddenly pictured her naked, stretched out on top of him. He knew he was hard, and he could feel her beginning to grind down on him. He slid a hand under her shirt, up to cup her breast, and his thumb ran over her nipple repeatedly before he rolled it between his thumb and index finger. She moaned softly, ground down hard and long, and he held back a grunt, wanting more.

Somewhere he heard a door open, and his mind, hazy as it was, jumped back to the now. “Honey,” he murmured into her mouth, “your kids…”

She sighed into him, then kissed his lips. “I know.” He pulled his hand out from her shirt and she flipped over onto the couch. He felt exposed with his erection so obvious in his pants; she glanced over, and smiling, handed him a pillow. 

He felt his cheeks burning as he rested the pillow in his lap. “Thanks,” he said, immediately wishing it back. It sounded as if he was thanking her for the erection. Maybe he should be, he thought. It’d been a long time.

She laughed and playfully pushed his arm. “You can plan the next date if you want, since I’ve blown the last two,” she said, and he chuckled.

“The next one’s at my house,” he told her, smirking. “I’m cooking you dinner. AND I don’t have kids.”

“So pillows are optional?” she asked, and he reached over to tickle her. 

For a date, all in all, the night hadn’t been half bad.


	4. Intimate Dining for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael invites Amanda over for an intimate dinner for two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up, I think this chapter is longer than the first three combined, lol. 
> 
> What can I say? Apparently these two like sex and it's been a long time. Which leads me to:
> 
> HEADS UP! Smut ahead.

  
  


“Welcome!” Rafael opened the door for Amanda, letting her into his apartment. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, pulling her coat off. He took it from her and hung it on the coatrack before leading her into the kitchen.

“It smells incredible in here!” she exclaimed, handing him a bottle of wine. “How’s your day been, professor?”

“Ah,” he laughed, reaching up and feeling his glasses on. He’d forgotten about them. “Yeah, it’s my academic look. Good day, mainly grading. You?” He turned to stir the chili he’d been working on. It really did smell good.

“Mellow, thank God. Mainly paperwork today. I don’t usually look forward to those days, but after the last couple of weeks…” She shook her head and took the glass of wine he handed her. “I know you can relate. Take a breath of air when you can, right?”

He nodded. “Yes. That’s what you have to do, in order to keep your sanity. How are the girls?”

She settled into a chair at his kitchen table, smiling sweetly at him. “They’re great. Jesse said to tell you hello. She keeps asking how many days before she goes to Broadway.” Amanda laughed. “I still can’t believe you’re brave enough to take her. Even I’m hesitant about that one.”

He chuckled. “It’s The Lion King. She’ll love it. I’ve heard it’s magnificent.”

“Well, she does absolutely love any kind of music and movement. I swear she was made to move. That kid is never still. Hopefully it’s not a crime if she dances or sings.”

Rafael smiled. He’d done his research on this and found a kid-friendly, more interactive show, and told Amanda so. “Hopefully that takes any worry you have away. She’ll have a great time. And every kid should get to go, if they can.”

“I’m assuming you’re saying that as a kid who didn’t get to go?” She knew the basics from his past, and that his parents had struggled financially. Hers had too, and despite differences in culture and geography, their upbringings had been remarkably similar in some ways.

“You would be correct in that assumption,” he confirmed. He handed her a spoon with a small amount of chili. “Here, taste this. Let me know if it needs more heat.”

Amanda slipped the spoon into her mouth, eyes widening. “Mmm, it’s good!” she answered, nodding. “I don’t like too much heat, so it’s perfect for me.” She handed him the spoon back, then tilted her head, resting it on her hand with her elbow on the table. “Do you know you’re the only guy I’ve ever dated who consistently asks how my kids are? Never mind volunteers to see them in public...or take them places...or come over when they’re actively screaming.”

Rafael turned around from the stove, surprised. “Really?”

She laughed again. “Yeah. Speaks highly of my dating choices, huh?”

He smirked. “Well now, let’s not make sweeping judgments here--”

She stood and walked over to him, resting her hands on his hips. “You’re a good man, Rafael, you know that?”

Her eyes were staring into his and he felt a shiver go up his spine as her thumbs were gently rubbing circles into the skin right above his jeans, on his henley. Her index fingers tucked into his belt loops, and he could smell her perfume again, soft floral. Sweet but classy. He swallowed heavily. “I try,” he mumbled, and watched as she raised herself up on her toes to kiss him.

Her lips brushed over his softly once before coming back again more firmly, and he felt her fingers twist into his hair. Her tongue entered his mouth and met his, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. As their kiss grew deeper, he found himself getting lost in the sensation of being wanted. It had been so very long since anyone had wanted him. Dating Amanda had turned that on its head. Not only sexually, either--he felt like she actually liked him, enjoyed time with him, the same as he did with her. And that turned him on immensely. 

Her hands had been moving up and down his back and were now massaging his ass, and he didn’t have words for how incredibly sexy it was not to have to make the first move. To know that she was as into this as much as he was, that she wanted him. She wanted to fuck him. He let that idea sink in.

She pulled back slowly from him, lips still breathing his air, eyes deep and large. “I know you worked so hard to cook this--” she started, motioning toward the stove, but he was shaking his head.

“It can wait,” he answered softly, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “If you want it to, I mean.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I want it to. Wait, I mean. I want to eat dinner later,” she laughed nervously, and he joined her, both giggling. “Sex first, dinner after,” she clarified once more. 

Impulsively he leaned forward and kissed her again, then squeezed her hand. Nodding in the direction of his bedroom, he said, “It’s this way.”

She followed him down the short hallway to the bedroom. He made his way to the bedside table and turned on a lamp, then smiled awkwardly at her before reaching over and closing the curtains. When he turned to face her, she was standing a few feet from him, next to the bed. “I’m, uh, on the pill,” she told him. “I promise, I’m more careful than you probably think I am.”

He laughed again nervously. “I don’t think you’re not careful,” he told her, then pointed to the nightstand. “I have condoms, lube, whatever...supplies…” He crossed his arms, feeling anxious. “I also need to tell you...we’ve never talked about it, but I feel like you should know, before we do this...I’m bisexual. I’m not involved with anyone else right now, and I’m clean. But I don’t want you to feel like I’ve hidden something from you that you might feel is important to know.”

Now she laughed, light and nervous, and folded her own arms. “I, uh, kinda figured,” she said. “There’s not a lot of straight men with your taste in suits. Plus, I think you and I may have shared a partner in our sexual histories at some point.”

Sonny Carisi. He sighed, annoyed. “Carisi told you we slept together? That was a long time ago.”

She nodded. “He did, but he was trying to be upfront with me about his sexuality. Considering I was going to let him put part of his body into mine, I appreciated his honesty.”

He chewed on his lip for a moment, thinking. “Fair enough. You know, I have wondered about you two,” he confessed. “If that ever happened--”

“It did. Once. And I’m not involved with anyone else right now either. You’re the only one I’ve been seeing. Motherhood is pretty all-encompassing. I’m also clean...but after two pregnancies, let’s just say I’m becoming a bigger fan of condoms.”

He chuckled. “And after an evening at your house with a sick baby, I can understand why.”

She smiled and stepped toward him, reaching for him and running her hands up and down his arms. Suddenly she stopped, looking puzzled, then ran her hands up and down his arms again. “Barba.”

“What?” His heart was taking off again without him.

“These biceps!” She felt his arms up and down. “Your biceps are  _ ridiculous. _ Do you know that? I had no idea you’ve been hiding these in your suits.”

He smiled, pleased. “Well, surprise? I’m glad you like them.”

She chuckled again. “I had no idea you lifted. You could probably lift me, couldn’t you?”

“I, uh…” He knew he could, but--

“Do it,” she urged him. “Go ahead, lift me up and toss me on the bed.”

He barked a laugh. “Are you serious? You want me to toss you on the bed like...like, like I’m a  _ superhero _ or something?”

“Exactly like that--” He was already scooping her up, and a second later she was bouncing on the middle of his bed, and they were both giggling again.

He shook his head. “Amanda, you make me laugh more than anyone in a long time.” He bent down and began to climb onto the bed with her, and she sat up to meet him.

“Is that a good thing?” Her fingers found the bottom hem of his henley and toyed with it. He watched for a second in fascination, then met her eyes.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “A very good thing.”

She leaned up on her knees, wrapped her arms around his neck again and kissed him deeply, thoroughly, as she pulled him down next to her on the bed. He tangled one hand in her hair as another stroked her side up and down. She’d thrown one leg over his and he suddenly realized she was pressed against him, riding his thigh, and he felt all his blood rush to his groin. 

“So pretty,” he murmured, nipping at her jaw and moving slowly up to her ear. “You’re so pretty, Amanda.” He slid his hand up her side, over her shoulder to the other side of her face. Cupping the side of her face, he watched her as she pulled back and met his eyes. He was going to say something, something about how he was glad she was here and he couldn’t believe she wanted him, but then she was sucking on his bottom lip and her hand was massaging his crotch. And his brain emptied of thought.

He heard her unsnap his jeans and he slid his hands under her blouse. “Here, honey,” he murmured and she lifted her arms quickly, allowing him to remove her blouse and her bra a second later. His hands went for her jeans as she tugged his henley up and off; a few moments later they’d both divested each other of all clothing except their underwear, and somehow he found himself on his back with her over him on all fours, grinning like a wild animal.

“Look at you, Rafael.” Her voice was soft and smooth as silk, and her fingers were delicately running over his chest, down to his stomach and over his cock in his underwear. “And you said I was pretty.” She leaned down, catching a nipple in her mouth, and sucking gently until she heard a low moan. Scraping the skin with her teeth, she released him. “I’ve been waiting so long for this. Just wanna play with you, darlin’.” She sat up, straddling his waist. “All night long...” Laying her palms flat on his stomach, she ran them slowly straight up his skin until her thumbs landed on his erect nipples. She gently rubbed, then leaned down to kiss his sternum.

He watched her work, enjoying the feel of her lips and her hands. The warmth of her crotch was heating his cock through his underwear, and he couldn’t help but fantasize they had no barrier. How warm would she be then? How wet? He closed his eyes and rubbed her shoulders, then slid his hands down the smooth skin of her back to her ass. She was tiny in his hands, giving the impression of something delicate, and he squeezed with a slow rhythm while she continued to stroke and lick his chest. The feel of her, the taste, the scent was so lovely. He wanted more.

“‘Manda.” His voice was deep and throaty, and she raised her head to look at him. He smiled and stroked her hair back behind her ear. “I want to taste you. Can I, honey?”

She nodded and climbed off of him, laying on her back, and settling her arms above her head. “You don’t have to do this. I don’t expect you to--”

His eyebrow shot up as he quickly slid her panties down and off her legs. Settling between them, he said, “You really do need to set your dating bar higher.”

She giggled at that. “I know, I know. You’re right, I tend to accept way too little---aahh…” Her moan was soft but immediate as his tongue slowly licked a wide strip from the bottom of her vulva up and circled over her clit. He slid his fingers over her folds slowly, parting her and licking, taking his time. She was soft and wet, and he felt his own groin tighten in pleasure as he explored her. She was moaning and beginning to move her hips in rhythm with his tongue and his hand. He sucked lightly at her clit.

“Is that good?” he asked. “More? Tell me what makes you feel good, Amanda.”

Her fingers tangled in his hair again. “More of the same,” she answered breathily. “It’s so good. Your tongue on my clit is heaven...you feel so good, Rafael...please, keep going, baby…”

He moved closer then, determined to make her come from this, and began to suck rhythmically at her. He wondered when the last time was that a guy had gone down on her. He wondered if she’d ever had a lesbian experience, or if she had a collection of sex toys. Her moans had grown louder and steady, and as he slipped two fingers inside of her to pump, he realized she was soaking wet. Knowing he’d aroused her like this made his ego swell almost as much as his cock. She tugged his hair suddenly, crying out, and he continued to move exactly the same until he felt her body relax slightly underneath him and her hand made its way down to separate his face from her pussy. 

He slid down slightly, taking time to kiss her thighs. He had an insane desire to mark her fair skin with light purple bruises, to give her something to remember him by tomorrow. But glancing up at her, a forearm thrown over her brow, he shook the idea off. He’d be damned if he would do anything to her that she might not want and hadn’t given explicit consent for. She was blissed out, he knew, and he wanted her to enjoy the moment.

He placed gentle kisses over her body, making his way back up to her face, until she cupped his face and kissed him deeply. “You are amazing,” she murmured, and her hands ran over his chest again, stroking skin and tugging hair. “I need you, honey. Inside me. I want to feel that beautiful cock of yours.”

He kissed her, tongue tasting her mouth and leaving her essence in its wake, and he felt her hands hook into the waistband of his underwear as she sat up. “Help me, Rafael...take these off.” She tugged at the fabric but it didn’t move very quickly. His hands joined hers and yanked them down, freeing his cock suddenly and causing both of them to snicker. “Good God,” she breathed, eyes large, moving from his dick to his face, “you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Just trying to keep you interested,” he teased as she reached over and stroked it tentatively. Her thumb ran over the head, collecting a bit of precum, and she slipped her thumb into her mouth and sucked. “Jesus, Amanda,” he groaned, watching her. She reached over to his nightstand and dug through it briefly before returning with a condom. Handing it to him, she said, “I think we’ll be okay without the lube, don’t you?”

“I’ll need to check to be sure,” he teased, before sliding two fingers inside of her again. She shuddered involuntarily and dropped her head back; he circled his fingers, then pulled them out and sucked them into his own mouth. He was so aroused it hurt, and all he wanted was to sink himself into her body, so a moment later he tore open the condom and slid it on.

She was lying down again and held up her arms to welcome him. As he settled between her legs once more, he took one hand and stroked her hair. “You sure about this, Amanda?” he asked. “We don’t have to do this.”

Her hands were in his hair again, holding his head, and her voice was low and serious. “Rafael, I want you. Inside me. Now, honey. Please.”

He nodded, then carefully slid into her halfway, listening to her draw a sharp breath. “Need a minute?” he asked. Her eyes were closed and she nodded.

He kissed her neck gently, and ran a finger over one of her nipples, watching it grow hard beneath his touch. She’s so soft, he thought again, and he lowered his lips to kiss her breast.

“I’m ready. Go ahead,” she murmured, and he carefully thrust the rest of the way inside of her, then gave her a moment to adjust. 

She opened her eyes, ran her hands up his sides before tucking his sweaty hair behind his ears with her fingers. Wrapping her legs around him, she smiled. “You feel good,” she told him, gently rocking her hips upward. 

He braced himself, an arm on either side of her, and kissed her gently as he began to rock back and forth, into her rhythm. The pleasure slowly pooled in his gut, and he smiled back at her as their hips met. He’d fantasized about this moment before, about dozens of ways this could have happened, but being here now, watching Amanda’s soft smile and the glow in her eyes, was far superior to his imagination.

She was sucking on his earlobe and squeezing his ass as he continued to slowly move inside of her. She was tight and wet, and he let his mind get lost to the sensations of lovemaking. The soft sounds of their bodies joining, the occasional gasp or moan, and the scent of sex took over his brain. It had been a long time, nearly a year, and only now did he realize how hungry he was for touch, for affection from someone. This woman underneath him was beautiful, sweet, and he wanted her to feel as precious as he knew she was. He felt her legs move higher, to his waist, and he slipped deeper, more fully into her. They both gasped at the feeling, and for a second, he was afraid it was too much, that it was painful for her, until he realized she was staring at him with wide eyes. “More, Rafael, please,” she said somewhere between a shaky moan and a sultry demand. “More. Like that, more.”

Jesus. His whole body was buzzing. He could feel her fingernails scraping his back, her thighs wrapped around his, her breath teasing his earlobe, and he thrust in deeply, more quickly. Her moans spurred him on, a sexy request to keep going, and he felt her teeth nipping his shoulders. They moved together, in sync, until all he could think about was the pleasure coursing through every bit of his body. He felt one of her hands reach between their bodies, and somehow put together the fact she was rubbing her clit.

“‘Manda,” he gasped, “Manda...I can do that. I can bring you. Here,” and he pushed his hand under hers, taking over the steady circling of her clit.

Her fingers ran through his hair. “Oh God, Rafa, I’m gonna...I’m there, I’m there, please don’t stop…”

“K,” he heard himself say, and he felt her body arch into his sharply. She cried out and he tried desperately to maintain control as he worked her through her orgasm. He knew his rhythm was faulty despite his best efforts--his body was tight, his gut in a knot of intense pleasure. He wanted more, deeper, to be buried in the feeling overtaking him. Then he heard her voice, telling him to come, to give in, to fill her; this time, finally, he allowed himself to let go. Thrusting erratically, he arched into her fully and came, groaning out her name.

He wasn’t sure how long he had laid on top of her when he finally realized she was gently stroking his back and kissing his neck. Slowly, he pulled out, holding onto the condom. “Be right back,” he murmured, then headed toward the bathroom.

When he rejoined her a few minutes later in bed, she curled against him and began to gently stroke his chest. He leaned over and kissed her nose. “Was that okay for you?” he asked hesitantly. “You came, didn’t you? I thought you did but I wanted to make sure--”

“Yes,” she interrupted him, and her smile was warm and sweet. “Twice, big guy. That’s quite an instrument you’re playing with there.”

He chuckled, embarrassed. “Well, it’s only an asset if you use it well with your partner, right?” Playing with her hair, he added, “I just really wanted it to be good for you.”

“Rafael.” His name sounded lovely coming from her mouth. “You’re good for me. I hope you know that by now.”

He tucked a bit of hair behind her ear and sighed. “Amanda, since we’ve been seeing each other, I’ve felt more...I don’t know...stable, than I have in years. I like who I am with you, what you bring out in me. But more importantly, I really care about you. I care about your girls. I think about you when we’re not together and what I want to tell you when I see you next. I want to know all about you. You make me feel cared for, and I want to make you feel as special as you are, honey.” He picked up her hand and threaded his fingers through hers. “Well, I guess that’s my dorky speech.” He smiled awkwardly at her. “I’d really like to be exclusive. I’d like to see where we go. If you feel how I feel, that is.”

“Rafael.” She leaned over and kissed him. “I’m falling in love with you too. And yeah, I’d love to be your girlfriend.” She regarded his look of surprise for a moment, then pressed a kiss to each of his eyelids. “I can’t believe it took me this long to see what a prize you are. And I mean that.”

He felt giddily happy. “It IS hard to believe you let me slip by for so long,” he teased, then slid a hand down over her belly, between her legs.

“Uh-uh.” She stopped him. “If you want a round two, you’re gonna have to feed me first. You wore me out with round one!”

“How’s chili sound?” he asked, sitting up. “I think there’s some in the kitchen waiting for you, if you’re still up for it.”

“I think I can handle that,” she replied, and he handed her the blouse she had been wearing. “This is gonna be awesome.”

“It already has been awesome,” he said quietly, and seeing her smile, pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

And as they sat at his kitchen table, quietly eating and talking, he felt content knowing there were many more dinners to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little Barollins bit. I absolutely love kudos and comments of any kind, and I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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